


Virtual Scars

by nickyz



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, chiaki appears but isn't named, occurs after dr3, somewhat happy ending, was she real or just a hallucination?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:46:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24893374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickyz/pseuds/nickyz
Summary: nagito has a run-in with memories he's not fond of, and goes about trying to forget, even if just temporarily. no one is perfect.(sequel to Who Are You?)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 2
Kudos: 118





	Virtual Scars

The door to the warehouse opened slowly with a loud creaking noise, presumably from disuse. It was unlikely anyone had come in here prior to this. Nagito didn’t really know what led him here so late at night, but he hadn’t felt like wasting the day away sulking in his cabin any longer. Stepping inside felt almost like dipping himself in a pool of cold water. Sure, the warehouse _was_ a bit chilly inside, a harsh comparison to the hot tropical weather outside, but… he wasn’t sure that’s why he felt freezing. It was like a different dimension, but maybe that was only due to his personal experience here.

  
He ran his fake hand along boxes and walls as he walked through the warehouse, noting how the scorch marks from the Neo World Program were not there. Of course they weren’t, but it was still odd to witness. He remembered it like it was yesterday- the sound of the door opening, the loud music blaring, the confused hush of voices he could just barely make out over the sound. Then the fire started just as planned, and soon enough all he could smell was smoke… until his lungs inhaled something that stopped all of his functions almost instantly. He couldn’t have imagined a death so quick in his life, so painless. His body may have tensed up, but he definitely didn’t feel it.

  
The large curtain was still intact, so he slid himself underneath it, emerging on the other side and pausing. There was no sign of what once had transpired here, either. Not even a drop of blood. Nagito walked forward until he was in a spot he’d come to know quite well- it _was_ his resting place for a short period of time, after all. Vaguely, he wondered… what had he looked like in death? From the way the survivors had stared at him like they’d seen a ghost when he first woke up, he could infer it was pretty horrific. He should rewatch the footage sometime, just to see, to satisfy his curiosity.

That aside… he felt strange, staring at the spot where he had previously tied up and mutilated himself. He lowered himself to the ground, knees meeting cold concrete. His back hit it next, a reaction he was hardly conscious of, the palms of his hands coming to rest flat on concrete. He spread his limbs out, mimicking the way he had done before, and closed his eyes. He could almost feel the poison gas stopping his heart, forcing him to drop the spear and ensure his death was final… it was lucky he never actually felt the impact of it, already dead when it fell. His thighs seemed to burn with the ghost of deep stab wounds that actually managed to draw tears from him, as high as his pain tolerance was. What he was feeling wasn’t peace, but it wasn’t fear, either. Something icey brushed his cheek, and he jumped.

“Is there a reason you’ve come here?” A voice whispered from the darkness, and Nagito kept his eyes closed. He knew who it was. He didn’t want to look them in the eyes.

“Maybe I just needed some peace and quiet.” His words bounced around the empty space, while those of his companion did not.

“I know that’s not true, Nagito.” He felt a hand on his shoulder, someone crouching by his side. “Why are you reminding yourself of something so terrible?” They sounded genuinely sad.

“I’d rather remind myself, than find myself forgetting.” Nagito murmured, fingers of the hand that should have a knife shoved through it flexing. He heard a soft, gentle sigh.

“I know you’d never forget me. I trust you the same as everyone else.”

“Hah… when was the last time I heard something like that?” Nagito tilted his head back, feeling the hard floor through his thin hair. “I can’t remember.”

“You didn’t deserve the things that happened to you,” The voice said mournfully, moving as if to give Nagito a hug. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you, too.”

Nagito’s eyes flew open and he sat up faster than he ever had in his life, hands in fists, mechanical arm whirring. His vision swirled as blood struggled to get to his head from the position change. “I gave myself up willingly to hope! I murdered you, and you murdered me- it was a mutual exchange of life. There was nothing to protect.”

  
“There’s _always_ something to protect, Nagito...” The words came as a breeze, fluttering past his ear. There were no windows, he had closed the door, and no one was in the warehouse with him. Those were all facts he was certain of. Running a hand through his hair, he couldn’t help but laugh.

“I really am messed up in the head.”

  
No one answered him this time. 

* * *

Nagito trudged his way back home pretty late, the sun was setting on the horizon and making it harder to see his surroundings. No one appeared in his path on his way back from the warehouse, not that he minded. Being alone was actually his _goal_ for once. 

He hesitated at the cluster of cabins, fully intending to go to his own, but glancing at one he memorized as Hajime's anyways… should he go in? Have a talk? Maybe he worried him by disappearing all day without saying anything. It… couldn't hurt to knock, he supposed. So he did.

"I'm here!" Hajime answered from inside, and Nagito opened the door. He had a feeling it was unlocked. He shut it behind him, and what a stark contrast this was- the air outside was still heated, while Hajime's AC was almost on full blast. Nagito shivered a bit, reminded of his encounter.

Hajime was already up and hugging him, and Nagito let him. Their relationship had gotten a lot more normal since that fateful talk. Nagito had a feeling he was about to ruin that. "How have you been?"

"I was on the beach all day.” Nagito lied. “Saw a group of crabs." 

"Did they attack you?"

"Oh? How did you guess?"

Hajime laughed, finally pulling away. "Because that's something that would only happen to _you._ " 

Nagito forced himself to laugh. "So… how have _you_ been?" 

"Nekomaru and Akane finally forced me into training with them…" Hajime sighed, rolling his shoulders. "I have the same talents as them, but that doesn't make it any easier on me." 

Nagito hummed, knowing from experience that Hajime was not as small as he seemed. He looks a lot slimmer when dressed. "Were they surprised?" 

"Actually, yeah. When I took my shirt off they just… lost it. It's not even that impressive, compared to them." 

Nagito was slipping off his jacket to hang it up, as he felt this would likely turn into a night stay. "You look a lot different with clothes on. I think I'd prefer you with no shirt, too." 

"I could say the same about you, about that first thing, but… are you implying something? With that last part?" Hajime raised an eyebrow, and only then did Nagito realize the inappropriate connotations of his words. He wished he kept his jacket on.

"Implying- No! No, not at all." He felt himself heat up, it had been awhile since any topic like this came up. They were trying to avoid anything sexual until their dynamic sort of… evened out more. Which was _fine_ by Nagito, he _definitely_ didn't go to bed every night pent up just from _being around_ Hajime. "I'm sorry, I should have picked my words better-"

"I'm not against the idea, you know." Hajime said plainly, bluntly. To the point. Nagito gaped at him, both nervous and excited at what this night could turn into, if he let it.

"Would you really…?"

"I think we've hit a point where… I trust things not to go badly. So yes, if you ever want to, I'm open to it." 

Nagito was shaking a little, wanting to start then and there, to relieve all the feelings he'd been bottling up for the sake of bettering their relationship. Also… he wanted something to distract him from that conversation with a ghost that shouldn’t even exist in this world. But would that be betraying Hajime's trust? To use such an important moment as a simple distraction, _knowing_ that was unhealthy… no. It's not like Hajime would know anyways- so it's fine. He wants this. Just a little white lie won't hurt. Ignorance is bliss, as they say. "Hajime… if you're serious, it's going to be tonight."

"You're that eager already? Oh God, Nagito, did you not jerk off? This whole time?" Hajime was in complete disbelief. 

"Ah, well…" Nagito rubbed his upper arms with his hands, hugging himself. "I felt it would be wrong to."

" _Nagito,_ " Hajime legitimately felt _bad_ for him, as even _he_ had some… moments of weakness. Nagito must be literally ready to burst at any second. "Okay, I've decided. We're doing it tonight, right now."

Nagito's heart was doing flips at the idea of Hajime on top of him, distracting his traitorous brain, but he needed to confirm something first. "Only if _you_ want to, Hajime."

"Of course I do! I wasn't avoiding sex because I _wanted_ to." Hajime was unbuttoning his shirt. "I just thought we shouldn't do it until things got less confusing." 

All right, time to go all in, then. Forget the day's events and replace them all with Hajime Hinata. This was _perfectly fine._ "Hajime," Nagito sighed, stopping him when he finished the last button to pull him in for a kiss. It was short, because Nagito had something else to say. "Don't rush it. Please." He couldn't bear to be alone with his thoughts again.

"Wasn't planning to." Hajime reconnected their lips, and Nagito sighed happily, hands moving up to ruffle around in Hajime's hair. 

"I miss your long hair, sometimes…" Nagito mumbled when they pulled apart again, Hajime leaving searing, wet kisses all the way down his neck. 

"What if I grew it out again?" Hajime asked while running his hands under Nagito's t-shirt, making him shiver.

"Ahh, no, the look doesn't suit you anymore." He ended his sentence in a breathy moan as hands ran over his nipples, zeroing in on them. He could almost feel the warehouse slipping out of his mind like the retreating tide outside. This was good. "Hajime… bed…" 

"Right," Hajime slowly led them backwards, until Nagito's legs hit the side of the bed, and he let himself fall backwards. He pushed himself up a bit so Hajime could comfortably climb on top of him, and once they were in place… it was almost too much to handle.

"Hajime…" Nagito moved one hand down to cup Hajime's cheek. Hajime placed his own hand over it, smiling a little bashfully.

"You look like you're about to cry."

"Maybe I am," Nagito felt like he was going to burst into a million different pieces. What was he so sad about, again? He wrapped his legs around Hajime's waist to bring him closer. "I'm so full of love." 

"I thought _I_ was the cheesy one." Hajime pushed Nagito's t-shirt up again, kissing around his nipples. Nagito gasped and arched his back slightly, fingers digging into Hajime's scalp. His mouth moved to actually suck on the small pink buds, and Nagito's flexibility was shown off as he arched his back more, an almost impossible amount. "You like that?" Hajime ran his tongue over it, pinching the other neglected one between his fingers.

"Y-Yes," Nagito stuttered, as well as his hips. He was frustrated already, despite asking for slowness.

Hajime pulled back, but only so he could move down further, going to unbutton Nagito's pants…

"Wait!" Nagito gasped, stopping Hajime mid-act. "I want… to do that to _you._ " 

"Oh," Hajime bit his lip, and sat back down on the bed. Nagito, probably a lot more excited than he should be, slid himself down onto the floor. He grabbed Hajime's thighs and spread them open, working as fast as he could to get to what awaited him there.

"You're really excited about this- _ah!_ " Hajime yelped as Nagito freed his cock, squeezing it. Nagito licked his lips as he felt himself salivating, Hajime's hard cock in both hands.

"Mmm… you should know why." Was all Nagito said before shoving it in his mouth, doing a few shallow thrusts before he tried deepthroating it. Hajime was quickly in shambles, both hands in Nagito's hair. Any time he pulled, Nagito would moan around him which only made the intense feelings _worse._

"C-Calm down!" Hajime heard Nagito choking as he tried to get all of it in, and as amazing as that felt on his dick, he was not enjoying listening to Nagito suffocate himself. 

Nagito pulled back, coughing for a moment. "Hajime… you know I like it rough." His voice came out ragged.

"I know but, I don't know if I like that you're hurting yourself on purpose." They were both flushed red and panting, covered in sweat, lips red from kissing. Now really wasn't the time for a serious talk, but Hajime was worried. Was he catching on? That wasn't good.

Nagito hummed and rubbed his cheek against Hajime's dick, now drenched in saliva. It was _kinda_ gross, in Hajime's opinion, but… Nagito smiled as he felt Hajime twitching. "It's not a bad thing if I'm enjoying it, right?" 

Hajime looked away and shut his eyes tightly as Nagito followed his reply by licking a long stripe from base to tip. "I-I guess we all have our preferences." 

"Then," Nagito gripped Hajime's thighs. "Fuck my mouth as hard as you can." He didn't even wait for a yes or no, simply swallowing Hajime's dick once again. On one hand, he really didn't want to choke Nagito half to death, but on the other, he'd _asked_ for it. So… 

"Fine." Hajime huffed. Nagito's hands shook where they were resting as Hajime grabbed his head with both hands, and thrusted forward. 

" _Mmmpph-_ !" Nagito tried to cry out through a full mouth unsuccessfully, which only spurred on Hajime more, knowing Nagito was genuinely enjoying this kind of treatment. Nagito arched his back helplessly, rubbing his thighs together so he could get _some_ friction to his own neglected need. He honestly felt like he could come just from being used like this. What an amazing distraction...

Hajime watched as drool spilled down Nagito's chin and onto the floor. That was _also_ simultaneously gross and hot. Nagito looked as if he were in heaven as Hajime abused his throat, eyes unfocused and tearing up. "Oh, Nagito…" Hajime moaned, hips starting to move with quicker, shorter thrusts. He couldn't pull out, Nagito had his legs in a death grip. 

Nagito's eyes practically rolled backwards out of his skull as he forced Hajime to come in his mouth, moaning desperately. He tried to swallow, but his throat burned too much, so he just made himself cough again. Hajime pulled his softening cock out and grabbed Nagito's face in his hands as he coughed on come.

"Are you okay?" he wiped a thumb across Nagito's swollen lips. Nagito closed his eyes with a rasped out a breath

  
"Hhah…" Nagito didn't seem to hear him, eyes opening to fixate on Hajime's own. They didn't… look right. Hajime tensed up.

"Nagito," Hajime tried to sound more stern to snap him out of it, but that only made Nagito suddenly _upset_.

"I’m sorry, I’m sorry… please, forgive me..." Nagito gasped and begged. Tears welled up in his eyes, streaming down his flushed cheeks. Guilt, so much guilt, all at once, an overwhelming amount. He had lied to Hajime, his love, his hope… 

Hajime slowly released Nagito's face, hands trembling. He moved down to join him on the floor, embracing him tenderly and pressing a kiss to his neck. "I'm sorry."

"S-Sorry?" Nagito asked in confusion, reaching up to feel his face. "Ah… I'm crying…?" He sniffed, rubbing at his eyes. "Why am I so… sad?" His voice cracked, and their sexual encounter was all but forgotten as he only broke down more, sniffling and coughing. "I-I'm not sad…”

"What happened today, Nagito?" Hajime asked him, giving him a few more pecks on the cheek, and grabbing one hand to interlace their fingers. "Besides the beach… what happened?" He had a small feeling that the beach visit didn't happen to begin with.

"I-" Nagito let out a sudden sob, nails digging into the skin of Hajime's hands. "I- the warehouse- Chiaki..." 

"It wasn’t your fault." Hajime mumbled, clutching Nagito's frail body.

"H-Hah, haha…" Nagito threw his head back, staring at the ceiling. "Is that… really why I'm sad? Am I that weak?" Nagito let out another hard sob, and Hajime cringed. "Say… I need to know, do you love me, Hajime...? Do you _trust_ me?"

"I do, with absolute certainty."

"Let me turn around… please…"

Hajime let go and allowed Nagito to swirl around. Nagito seemed like he was in shock, reaching out with both hands, gazing at Hajime's mismatched eyes. His mouth quivered and turned into a harsh, involuntary frown, tears still pouring from his eyes.

"Hajime… Hajime…" He seemed to be begging, fingers practically forcing Hajime to keep his eyes open. "I want Chiaki back… I want _my_ _Hajime_ back…" Nagito cried. "Can't you bring them back? You brought me back! You brought everyone else back!"

"I'm sorry." Hajime could only frown and wish he could cry, too, as Nagito dropped his hands and fell against Hajime's chest, clutching desperately at his shirt. 

Nagito sniffed. "Hey… Do you remember when we first met?" He smiled through his tears, as if the memory was so happy he couldn’t help it.

"In real life?"

"In the Neo World Program," Nagito leaned his cheek on Hajime's chest. "I've never forgotten it, you know?" 

"Nagito…"

"Did it hurt to find my body? Were you sad?" Nagito whispered, as if he were only speaking to himself.

"I was crushed. I could barely focus on the trial."

"I don't believe you. I don’t believe _her._ " Nagito hissed, voice suddenly full of venom. He shot up, going to glare at Hajime. "I-" _I don't believe in myself._

Hajime was crying. Not in a natural way, more like… remembering such an event forced him to recall what he felt, and his body was now replaying it like a movie.

"I…" Nagito pulled back, as if burned. "You're crying. For me." He hunched over, hands flexing on his thighs as if he wanted to stab them again. "You're really… crying…"

"I care about you more than I can express…" Hajime didn't even wipe away the waterfalls of tears, only blinking to clear his eyes occasionally. "And so did she, I think.” Hajime gazed longingly at the empty space by his side that used to be filled with someone they lost long ago, far before the Neo World Program. “I'm sorry I'm not the Hajime you got to know, and that Chiaki couldn’t come back with us."

Nagito laughed sadly, covering his face with his hands. "Don't apologize." He held out his robotic arm, filling the room with a soft whirring noise. He looked at it as if in a trance. "I’m not the same person I was, either." He, too, looked at that empty space. “And I’m the reason she isn’t here…" He finally looked down at the floor. "And you shouldn't trust me. I lied to you, earlier. I… wanted a distraction." 

Neither of them knew what to say, after that. It was a harsh reality to live in, being both yourself and _not_ yourself, and befriending someone that, in reality, was already dead. Hajime couldn't blame Nagito for wanting a way to forget the pain, even if just temporarily. He highly doubted Nagito actually wanted to forget, anyways. 

"We're still together, right?" Hajime held Nagito's outstretched hand. "Chiaki lives on in our memories, the memories we fought to keep. She’s with all of us, right now, every day." Hajime closed his eyes. "And despite our memories of _back then_ … you still love me, and I still love you. That all has to mean something." 

"You’re basically saying “friendship and love transcends all obstacles,” right?” Nagito managed to smile, and it was so sickeningly sweet and genuine that it made Hajime's chest ache. “You really are cheesier than me, Hajime." Hajime smiled back.

"But it's the truth." Hajime held out his other hand. "Come here. I want a hug, and you _need_ a hug."

"I ' _need'_ much more than that, but, if it's a gift from you…" Nagito trailed off as he sank back into Hajime's embrace. "I think I'll be satisfied."

Hajime ran a hand through thin, wispy white hair. "We _need_ therapy." 

"That should be one of your talents."

"Ugh, shut up." 

Nagito grinned, and Hajime rolled his eyes. The conversation dipped after that into a peaceful, understanding silence. It took Nagito a long time to speak up once again, and when he did, he sounded small. So very small. "I lied to you. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Hajime soothed. "I understand." 

"You're too perfect…" Nagito mumbled as he used Hajime like a pillow, taking full advantage of being so near to Hajime's bare, buff torso. It was embarrassing, yet endearing. 

"So are you."

**Author's Note:**

> i had to rewrite this so many times to be satisfied sorry i keep giving yall sad sex but thats just how the cookie crumbles
> 
> edit: adding my twitter to all my fics so you can follow me [here](https://twitter.com/chaosblast_)


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